Easier said than done

So I've read through 6 chapters of "When God Writes Your Love Story" and already a lot more things have been brought to my attention more than it did 3 years ago. The first thing I've learned is that "handing the pen over to God" doesn't happen overnight. It is way easier said than done. I saw a quote on Facebook today that caught my eye by Craig Groeschel, "The thing you fear the most is the thing you trust God with the least." Unfortunately, this is very true at least for me.

In this book, Eric and Leslie Ludy talks about giving pieces of your hearts to people you've dated or had a semi-relationship with in my case. It seems like every guy I've liked, I've given a big piece of my heart to them right off the bat. Sometimes I actually wonder how much of heart there is left to give to my future husband... Leslie talks about how every "break up" felt like a huge divorce. TELL ME ABOUT IT!!! One of the guys I ended up breaking off our friendship with, my friends and I would actually call him my husband because we always fought like an old married couple. Pretty sad, huh? I'm surprised we didn't have anything signed saying we wouldn't talk to one another for a certain period of time.

The third thing that stood out to me was getting to know the creator of love himself before going any further. Again this is easier said than done. Since going to church for the past 22 years, I tell myself a lot, "I know God. I go to church, right?" Yes, I go to church every Sunday morning, Sunday evening and Wednesday night. But do I really know God??? I'm guessing not as much as I should. I've never been the greatest about doing a personal Bible study everyday. I'm really going to try to get into the habit of doing that and making a habit of it.

The last thing I will mention that I've learned is, so far, I don't think I'm a very good wife. The book quotes Proverbs 31:12 about being a loyal wife all of your life. "'She [the wife of godly character] bring him [her husband] good, not harm, all the days of her life.'" Part of me fears that I've already screwed this one up big time. I know that one of these days, when I do finally meet my husband, I will have to tell him a bunch of baggage that he may not be very happy with me about. I'm just hoping that when that time comes God will help me to get through that and help my husband to be understanding and forgiving.